"Used to sing about being free but now he's changed his mind."
I am a fangirl. I've happened to find myself in this crazy fandom, full of drama and tears. Where all the magic happens and where the darkest secrets are held and exposed. We are brothers and sisters, we cry and laugh and fight, but we always stay together. Cause, in the end, we are all breathing for this one band. They were nothing and they've become everything. These five boys who lost the X Factor but won the world. One Direction.
I wasn't here from the very first day and believe me, I regret it every minute. It's like watching your baby grow older. Hairstyles, clothes, thinner bodies, flawless faces, more tattoos... Everything is changing. It's becoming better, I guess? Yeah, in some ways. But on the other hand, we keep watching their smiles becoming faker and faker, eyes losing their sparkles, hugs are not so tight as they used to be and in the end, everything about them fades. They lost themselves in an attempt to save us.
You can laugh at me and say I'm just a little girl, but I am not. I went through a lot and they saved me, too. They aren't Saints. But they were, are and always will be our heroes, our angels. They gave us hope. A simple tweet, loving words, meaningful songs. It kept us going for a day longer. Their love and passion were enough, while we couldn't find happiness in ourselves.
Now I've been here for three amazing years already. I don't know their shoe sizes, penis lengths or every phone they've ever owned. But I know what they like, who they love and I remember the words they say. I know their smiles and eyes and hugs. I know their voices and how they dance. I know their jokes and I know what hurts them. I remember little things and gestures and responses. I remember things that make them special. That's what really matters.
This year I had a chance to see their concert. It was one of the most incredible moments in my life. The memory I will never forget. This feeling when you finally see your idols, when you realize they are actually real. When you are standing in the crowd and waiting and screaming and crying and you find yourself hugging a random person. The atmosphere is magical and the bonds that are made are special. We were helping each other, passing plastic cups of water around and talking about boys we adore. I still don't know how, but I managed to end up in the first row. I saw them and they were standing and sitting and singing and laughing and hugging and drinking just two meters away from me. Majestic. I had this plastic ball with a sign: "We love you guys." Also, my twitter name and my country were written on it and I drew a big heart. While they were singing Stockholm Syndrome all fans from my country (the concert was in the closest country to mine) started to throw the balls on the stage or just up in the air. My ball landed on the stage, directly in front of Louis' legs. I totally freaked out, it was unbelievable. And then he kicked it and Liam picked it up and hold the ball in his hands. It was like a dream, heaven, my life was complete.
I wish I could hug them. Tell the boys I love them and that they have saved me, too. Tell them I am sorry I couldn't do the same. I am sorry I couldn't save them. I wanna ask them about their day, about their family, how they are. I wanna ask about their favorite name or quote or whatever really. Just talk to them. Sing a song, make them laugh. I wish I could do that.
So maybe you don't understand, maybe you will still hate them, say rude things and laugh at us, Directioners. It hurts, it tears us apart, but in the end, we will love those boys even more. You may be in a fandom, but there is no such fandom as ours. You'll never know how it is to have sisters and brothers and friends for life. You'll never understand our jokes and why do we keep watching old video diaries. You'll never try everything to break the records and to make boys happy. You will never have idols so special that you could fly through the water. Angels who never leave.
It's only our fandom and our band. This is us. Cause when we are together, One Direction and Directioners, we can outlive the Universe.
~ Lyria
P.S. Are you in 1D fandom, too? What do you love the most about boys? Are you in any other fandom?
Feel free to comment!
Again, sorry for my mistakes, I am not British (:
